I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
