Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
