office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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