Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
