I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
