We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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