do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
