i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
