Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
