I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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