In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
