Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
