He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
