Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
