I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
