I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He shit in the fireplace
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
