I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
