How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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