I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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