I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
