At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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