That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
you had me at cake vodka
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
