How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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