pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
