I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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