Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
