But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
