Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Randomize
