I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
someone threw a dead crab at me
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
