OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
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