they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
