If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
