i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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