I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
