and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
