I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
