it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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