dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
