im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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