The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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