this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
