Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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