you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
zippers are such a cool invention
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
