I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
