When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
