Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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