if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm too high and old for this...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
