You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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