help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
