i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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